We've all seen them. They're young, they're pretty…they're with the band. While everyone else waits in line, these pretty young things saunter in on the arm of the lead singer, clad in a short skirt and top so tight you'd think it was painted on. They know everyone who is anyone; anyone that can help them in their status-climbing mission that is. They are the punk rock groupies (of course that's putting it lightly, most of us use more derogatory terms, but we're keeping this G-rated…for now anyway). Please bare in mind that I'm not talking about friends of the band who happen to be female, I'm talking about the girls who are so obviously cozying up to the band simply for their own gain. It strikes me as funny how an ugly guy can become a god when there's a guitar slung around his neck and a mic in his hand. The pimple-faced dork from 10th grade English is suddenly the hottest thing alive when he's got a band that's even a tad bit popular. Are girls really that shallow? Sadly, some of us are. A "rock star", no matter how unattractive or void of personality he may be, suddenly is exempt of any standards we may have set for a potential love interest. Now, the guys aren't always totally stupid, they know that these chicks are only interested in them for one reason and one reason only. Status.

But most guys don't seem to care because they are getting something out of the situation as well. An ego-boost. In the words of Gene Simmons (KISS), "Thank God I'm in a band. Because I'm the ugliest guy on the face of the planet. But my goodness, do I get a lot of puss."

It's cool to be the girl on the arm of [insert name of a member of a popular band here]. It's cool to get to mingle backstage with the V.I.P's. It's cool to have others envy you. It's cool to feel cool. Apparently it's also cool to reinforce the belief that girls are merely sex objects. It's cool to be a human accessory for the band, rather than be a person in the band. It's cool to use and to be used. Yeah, it must be real cool.

Maybe I've got it all wrong. Maybe these girls are genuinely interested in the band and aren't just in it for the free perks or vicarious fame. Maybe these girls are more than just Penny Lane wannabes. Maybe, just maybe, they are more than what they appear to be. Perhaps they really do deserve special treatment just for making the band look good, kinda like a new pretty shiny silver ball on an otherwise plain Christmas tree.

In the good old days (specifically the 60's), being a groupie was something of a glamorous position and the bands catered to the groupies as much as the groupies catered to the bands. An endless number of songs were penned about these adoring fans,
Jimi Hendrix devoted a whole album to them ("Electric Ladyland") and the girls appeared on album covers. Some of these former groupies even achieved a certain level fame and were sought out by the paparazzi almost with as much vigor as the actual celebrities themselves. There's no denying that sex was involved, but it seems the bands were a bit more respectful back then. With the emergence of rock-n-roll, out went the groupies being seen as the muse, and in came the assumption that girls are better seen and not heard.

I've heard assorted "groupie horror stories". Everything from media being bumped off the guest list to make room for these decorative girls, to the girls themselves being ridiculed by the bands and treated like a piece of meat. Of course the latter was in reference to experiences with "bigger" bands, but a groupie is a groupie and I imagine that this can happen among lesser-known bands as well. I remember reading an issue of some major music magazine and they had a huge article on groupies. Again, the article focused on groupies of mainstream rock bands, but being a punk groupie might just be a stepping-stone for some of these chicks on their way to the "big leagues". Anyway, I just remember being totally appalled as the article detailed how these girls were so eager to be doted on by band members that they had no problem to being subjected to situations I could never imagine allowing myself to be in. The article stated how members of some band threw lunchmeat at the girls backstage and called them "bitches" and "whores". Supposedly there's even some sort of pornography series called "Backstage Sluts" in which band members openly discuss the "no ass, no pass" policy. What's even more ironic is the hordes of young girls who ooh and awe over these bands and constantly pledge their love for them as if they have any clue what they are like on a personal level. I guess ignorance really is bliss.

As a member of the "media", I've attended a couple events on behalf of promoting Poppunk.Com. I've witnessed first hand how easy it is for some girls just to simply adjust their push-up bra and viola, they get in the venue. I can't even count the number of times I've been at a "bigger" punk show and seen the whole boob-flashing trick land some girl a backstage pass. Hell, even at the occasional smaller local shows you can always bet there'll be at least one teenage lolita trying to slip her digits to a guy in a band.

I'm not intending to bash anyone, I'm really trying to understand why this happens. Why girls are so fixated on popularity and why we base our popularity on how cool of a guy we can get. Most groupies I've encountered seem to be so defensive about their importance to the music scene and intent on proving their value. Yet, none of them can give me an actual reason why they are so important or valuable. Again, I remind you that I'm not talking about supportive "fans" which are also called groupies. I'm talking about…well…band sluts, star fuckers, whatever you want to call them.

I've never understood the coveted "rock star" status or why people are so attracted to it. Maybe I'm too jaded, but I'm not the type to be easily impressed and I sure as hell would never "hook up" with someone just because he is in a band. If anyone would care to enlighten me, or has a valid argument as to why being a band slut isn't as degrading as I see it to be, I'd love to hear it. Until then, I'll just have to shake my head in wonder every time I see a perfectly primped princess slithering backstage at a show.

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